Let it out

Today the world seems to be letting it all go.

Yesterday was a rough day, full of anticipation for finals, anxiety about friends, end-of-year frustration, and pent-up energy. To make it worse, the weather was grey, chilly, and ominous all day. I awoke today to the sound of heavy rain outside. It was almost as if the sky couldn't take the suspense, and let loose the torrents of water that have now soaked the campus. The suspense is over for me as well. I finished the last exam of my sophomore year, and now instead of studying or puttering around in my room as I have been doing the past few days, I am free to do whatever I like.

The small trickle of residents that I've been signing out of their rooms over the past week has turned into a stream of inventories, room checks, and goodbye hugs. Tomorrow the rest of my freshman (now sophomores,) will lock their rooms for the last time, and move out for the summer. My emotions are starting to get the better of me, as I've begun to realize that this is not just a break, and that the people I've seen every day for the past ten months will no longer be living with me. Come Saturday, I'll no longer be an RA, and by next week, I'll officially be free of school for the 2009-2010 year.

So much has happened in the past year, I can't even begin to comprehend it. The weeks slipped by too quickly, and for all my longing to be done with school, I know that I'll miss it as soon as I'm home. I've been trying to pray more often, and with my hyper-sensitivity about the end of the year, I'm finding a lot more to pray about.

My poor friend, Katie, was spending the last few days of school here, waiting to take her final on Thursday. We had been planning wonderful trips and adventures to get us through the week, but all of it was cut short when she got sick on Monday. I had been bringing her soup and other things throughout the week in hopes that she would get better and be able to have some fun before going home, but today I called from the dining hall to ask if she needed anything, and she told me she was in the hospital with what they thought was a "ruptured appendix". I've been praying for her health and recovery, but there is no way that she will be well enough to attend her exam and move out on time.

The end of the school year was always busy in high school, middle school, and elementary school, but I never expected it to be like that in college! I can only hope that this overwhelming flow of events and emotions slows down within the next few days and leads into a relaxing summer.

Wrapping it up

Gosh, this past month has been absolutely crazy. I've been writing papers, sending in scholarships, running events for the dorm, taking exams, reading books, having meetings, going on field trips...and the list goes on and on! Last night was the first night in weeks that I was able to sit and read my Bible before bed, a ritual that I have tried to carry on since the beginning of February as one of my goals for the semester. I have been reading along with a daily Bible study guide, and although it is very helpful in motivating me, I felt like a slacker when I realized that I am a month and a half behind on readings. Such is life as an RA.
It is strange to think that this lull I have been experiencing the past few days is not the normal mid-week sluggishness that has followed me throughout the year, but the beginning of hibernation before finals. My residents are locked away in their rooms studying and sleeping, only emerging between the hours of 8PM and 10PM to eat and socialize. Those who don't have looming final exams are mostly at home until next week, and so the hallways and lounges are eerily silent.

Looking back on the past semester, I realize how much I will miss being an RA next year. Sure, it'll be fun moving back to my old dorm, where my old friends are; but there is just something about hearing the pitter-patter of feet in the bathrooms, the giggling of girls from the room above me, the sound of slamming doors and crazy music drifting through the hallways, the special little notes left on my door, the quiet conversations whispered in my room, and the rowdy lounge gatherings at one in the morning. When dealing with an incident on a Thursday night, I would always think, "why did I ever agree to this job in the first place? Who would be crazy enough to want to work with these kids?". But then I would come back from midnight rounds to find twelve people in the lounge who were eager to find fellowship and friendship in each other, and I would think, "who wouldn't want to be an RA? To be able to witness friendships blossoming is certainly the greatest job in the world."

What a bittersweet experience it was. I can't count the nights that I wanted to cry with frustration after an unattended meeting or social, or the many times I did something special for someone with no acknowledgment or thanks. I thought that being an RA was a thankless job until Monday, when I had a knock on my door. One of my residents, Jess, was standing there with a card she had made. She and some others had knocked on every door in the building to get people to sign the card, and they had planned to present it to me at an end of the year celebration that I had missed on Saturday.

I was shocked that she had done this for me, and that everyone had signed the card, whether they had been around this semester or not. I didn't think they cared about how hard I worked this year, or how much of my life was put on hold for them. How can I ever tell them how much this simple act meant to me, and how much their time with me has changed my life? I don't know if I can ever do it in words or deeds, but I think deep down they know.

Contentment

Today things are looking up. For the past few days I've been battling a bit of a stomachache which I assume is caused by an imbalanced diet (oops.) I know it's terrible, but this year I have had a bad habit of replacing real meals with cereal or tea when I know the best thing for me is leafy greens and iron. Today I've done pretty well, with one out of two meals so far eaten in the dining hall, and a snack from the cafe in the afternoon.

The weather is beautiful and I tried laying outside to research for my term paper that is due in a few weeks, but I only managed to be on the lawn an hour. As I sit in my room, sipping my Mint Mocha Chill and looking out the window, the sun seems to be taunting me with its warmth. Of course, in New Hampshire, when the sun is warm it doesn't mean that everything else is! A little after 1 o'clock, I laid out my blanket, spread my books around me, and began to read. At first it was nice to feel the hot sun on my back and head, but the wind picked up and tried to blow the blanket out from under me. It was not a nice Spring breeze like you read about in romance novels, but a New Hampshire Spring breeze that comes from the glacial depths of the White Mountains or blows inland off the freezing Atlantic. I am not a particularly attentive person to reading, and as such was distracted nearly every time a petal fell from the tree above me, or whenever a helicopter went by during its training flight. When my hair began to blow into my face so that I could not have seen what I was reading even if I had wanted to concentrate, I decided that Mother Nature was not willing to share nice Spring weather with anyone else quite yet.

I dropped my books and blanket in my room and headed to the cafe to obtain a treat which had caught my eye the previous evening. Being a Thursday afternoon, and having finished classes, homework, and an attempt at researching, I came to the conclusion that this particular treat was warranted. Besides, it would help my uneasy stomach.

I've just finished the last bit of the Mocha Mint Chill, and my stomach does feel better. My friend and I are about to head out on an adventurous walk, which will fool us into thinking that we've done some exercise for the day, and afterward I assume I'll have dinner with friends and go to bed early for once. Yes, my life is fulfilled for the moment. I am content.

Bread, Tea and Marmalade

Last weekend I went grocery shopping for myself (something I rarely do while I'm at school.) It is something I have always enjoyed because it gives me a sense of independence and maturity that is otherwise absent when I rely on dining hall food. Walking down the isle of the market with my list in hand and a basket slung over one arm is so gratifying to me. I almost feel that I am a real person, not some post-adolescent stuck in the limbo that is university.

Since that glorious shopping trip I have had fresh white bread to eat with marmalade for breakfast every morning. Each morning I sit at my desk, thinking about the day before me, sipping my tea and listening to the sounds of spring that come from my open window. Life is good in those few moments, and I am reminded that no matter how difficult life may seem at the end of the day, God continuously provides a time for me to enjoy His gifts.

Procrastination and a Clean Room

One of my greatest talents is procrastination. I don't know how I developed it as my parents are both very driven individuals. In my case, procrastination can result in the accomplishment of almost everything but schoolwork. That is not to say that my schoolwork doesn't get done, but it is not completed over a planned and extended period of time. My best work is born from pressure. Ironically, so are my best prayers.

Today I don't have a lot of work, just reading for my class in two hours and for my class tomorrow morning. I might have been motivated to get it done earlier if I had not felt the need to clean my room and do my laundry for the first time since Spring Break. Also, it's raining, which I don't appreciate. But as soon as my laundry is done, I think I'll get to my homework.

Blessings on Palm Sunday

Here goes, my first post on this blog. I guess I'll start out by introducing myself. My name is Maddie, I am 20 years old, and a sophomore history major. I have lived all my life in New Hampshire where I currently go to school. For the past 7 months, I have been working as a resident assistant which has been one of the most challenging jobs of my life. I am an honors student, although my procrastination habits would have you think otherwise. I enjoy a variety of activities including swing dancing, historical research, singing, sewing, drawing, yoga, horseback riding, laughing, and studying the Bible.

Although I was baptized Catholic and raised in a Presbyterian Church, I had my doubts about the Savior until my freshman year of college. I remember the exact moment when He revealed himself to me during a campus worship service. My life has changed drastically since finding Him. Jesus is indeed my strength and my salvation. It has been strange and uplifting to see the changes in my life because of Him, and I use every opportunity to sing His praises.

Today I went to church at the community church downtown for the Palm Sunday service. I had previously attended four or five churches in the area surrounding the university until I found this loving and welcoming church just three weeks ago. Our God certainly is an Awesome God in His plan for our lives. Without Him, I would never have had the courage to try this wonderful place.

It feels wonderful to praise the Lord in writing. I have never done it before, but I'm beginning to like it more and more. I hope that this is the beginning of something wonderful!