After a long break from blogging, I've recently been inspired by some dear friends to revive my blog, and fill it with some of the wonderful things that I've done over the past few months.
Before I totally refresh this blog, here is an update on my life since October 2010:
- Fall semester finished up with a grand total of 7 final research papers, two final exams, and one massive presentation.
- I successfully survived my first semester living with a roommate since my stint as an RA !
- After a rough start to October with the deaths of a dear middle school teacher and my great uncle Jack, we (my family and I) pulled through the rest of the month to finish with a bang at our Batman-themed Halloween party.
- I met some wonderful new people at school over the course of the semester, and I am grateful for the blessing to have them in my life!
- As president of my residence hall, I oversaw some wonderful events including Floor Wars, Relaxation Week events, holiday food drives, and a visit to a local nursing home.
- I celebrated a wonderful holiday season with my family and friends, rejoicing in the birth of our Lord and the fellowship that the holidays bring!
I am thankful for the blessings of the past year, and I hope that 2011 will prove to be just as lovely!
Sometimes a hug is all you need. It doesn't necessarily solve your problems or make you feel better, but a hug is a sort of symbol.Last week, I received the news that one of my teachers from the middle school years had committed suicide. It was a terrible incident that shook the whole community and disrupted the lives of so many in my small town. Being here at school, I was so far from the event itself that I had almost no reaction to the news. It haunted me so, that I called my parents to get more details that night after all my events for the day were done. The details were horrible, and after I had hung up the phone, I was numb. I still could not react, so I stood in the hallway outside my door until my friend Annie stopped to talk to me. She told me about something funny that had just happened to her, but I couldn't really listen. After she had finished her story, I told her everything that I had just learned, and what I thought, and how I didn't know what to do.Then Annie hugged me, and I started to cry. That hug was exactly what I had needed to get me started. It was the kind of hug that let me know that God was watching out for me, and that it was alright to grieve. It didn't make the sadness less painful, or wash away the images flooding my mind, but it was a symbol of all-encompassing love. That no matter where I am or who I am with, God's loving hand will be there to support me.
It feels so wonderful to be back at school, and back in the community that I love so dearly. It seems so ironic to me that despite my various commitments to my studies, clubs, student council, and sleep, I still manage to have more time for prayer, meditation, and church than I have had in months.The church that I attend in Durham is home to a vibrant, active, well-established, and progressive congregation that I look forward to joining each week for worship. It reminds me of the church that I was raised in, before the pastor moved away and attendance fell. When I was little, I used to imagine raising my own children in the same church, but when my parents left the church, everything changed. My dad often says that he is sorry we did not have a church community growing up, but in truth, I still think of the Presbyterian church as my home. The wrinkled and soft faces kissing my cheek, the sweet (and sometimes tone deaf) voices joining together in praise, the haunting sound of the organ echoing from the vaulted Gothic ceiling, the smooth feel of the lacquered pews, and the taste of cookies and juice after each service are all vivid memories of my childhood.When I set foot in church each Sunday that I'm at school, I feel those memories rushing back to me, and through the week I am filled with thoughts of God's love for me. How He always makes things come full circle. It's a wonderful feeling, and I'm so glad I have found a place that will help me cultivate that feeling.
It seems like ages ago that I last posted, and it really was, in the scheme of our fast-moving age of technology. Here is a brief recap of my wonderfully long (and blog-less) summer.
After leaving my position as an RA at the end of May, I moved back home for the summer to work as a camp counselor for my local recreation department. I worked through June at the local bakery (my fallback employment since Senior year of high school,) and helped my parents keep the house together as we anticipated my sister's graduation. Oh, the stress of two children in college. It had begun to wear on me before Claire had even received her diploma.
Aside from working at the bakery and keeping the family sane, I spent most of my time in the garden in June. Each day I would wake up, eat breakfast, dress, weed and tend the garden until about ten or eleven, then work on some project for the rest of the day until work. Within the first two weeks of being at home, I made a potting bench for the back yard, a tin lantern, a nesting box, and about fifteen candles.
As June wore down, Ethan prepared to leave for his summer math program at Hampshire College. We dropped him off on July Fourth, and immediately our family dynamics changed. It was strange not to have him around the house, eating all the cereal from the cabinets or playing Chopin on the piano, but we became used to it. Claire and I both started working the week after he left, but were briefly interrupted by a family reunion in Michigan. It was wonderful to travel this summer, as the previous summer found me away at sleep-away camp.
The Antrim Rec. Department turned out to be the perfect summer job for me, and I felt that I had made the right choice as soon as I started. I learned valuable lessons from almost every aspect of the experience, such as working with the kids, getting along with co-counselors, and balancing my home life with my work life.
Although most of my friends were working for the summer, I was able to spend a lot of time with a few of my dearest friends, which was more than I could have asked for. Barbara and I traveled to Maine with her parents and spent an unbelievable week on Eagle Island. Our adventures left me with an even deeper love and appreciation for her than ever before, and memories that will last me a lifetime.
Too soon, the summer drew to a close as camps ended, Ethan came home, and Claire began preparing for her great departure to Skidmore. I tried to take everything in stride because it was all happening so quickly, but the last night before leaving for school was still difficult. I wasn't sure I had made the right decision moving back to Hubbard and no longer being an RA. I was nervous that I wouldn't get along with my roommate, and that I would have a difficult adjustment to being back in school.
All my fears were proved wrong almost immediately. I feel so blessed to have been able to move in early, because I formed instant bonds of friendship to people I would have otherwise missed. My roommate is wonderful, and I feel as though we share bits and pieces of each others' soul. So much has happened in the past week, that I cannot even recount it, but I praise God for all that He has done for me. In the dark days that I experienced just months ago, I could never have imagined that He would bring me to this contentment in such a short period of time. He is so good to me!
Today the world seems to be letting it all go.
Yesterday was a rough day, full of anticipation for finals, anxiety about friends, end-of-year frustration, and pent-up energy. To make it worse, the weather was grey, chilly, and ominous all day. I awoke today to the sound of heavy rain outside. It was almost as if the sky couldn't take the suspense, and let loose the torrents of water that have now soaked the campus. The suspense is over for me as well. I finished the last exam of my sophomore year, and now instead of studying or puttering around in my room as I have been doing the past few days, I am free to do whatever I like.
The small trickle of residents that I've been signing out of their rooms over the past week has turned into a stream of inventories, room checks, and goodbye hugs. Tomorrow the rest of my freshman (now sophomores,) will lock their rooms for the last time, and move out for the summer. My emotions are starting to get the better of me, as I've begun to realize that this is not just a break, and that the people I've seen every day for the past ten months will no longer be living with me. Come Saturday, I'll no longer be an RA, and by next week, I'll officially be free of school for the 2009-2010 year.
So much has happened in the past year, I can't even begin to comprehend it. The weeks slipped by too quickly, and for all my longing to be done with school, I know that I'll miss it as soon as I'm home. I've been trying to pray more often, and with my hyper-sensitivity about the end of the year, I'm finding a lot more to pray about.
My poor friend, Katie, was spending the last few days of school here, waiting to take her final on Thursday. We had been planning wonderful trips and adventures to get us through the week, but all of it was cut short when she got sick on Monday. I had been bringing her soup and other things throughout the week in hopes that she would get better and be able to have some fun before going home, but today I called from the dining hall to ask if she needed anything, and she told me she was in the hospital with what they thought was a "ruptured appendix". I've been praying for her health and recovery, but there is no way that she will be well enough to attend her exam and move out on time.
The end of the school year was always busy in high school, middle school, and elementary school, but I never expected it to be like that in college! I can only hope that this overwhelming flow of events and emotions slows down within the next few days and leads into a relaxing summer.
Gosh, this past month has been absolutely crazy. I've been writing papers, sending in scholarships, running events for the dorm, taking exams, reading books, having meetings, going on field trips...and the list goes on and on! Last night was the first night in weeks that I was able to sit and read my Bible before bed, a ritual that I have tried to carry on since the beginning of February as one of my goals for the semester. I have been reading along with a daily Bible study guide, and although it is very helpful in motivating me, I felt like a slacker when I realized that I am a month and a half behind on readings. Such is life as an RA.
It is strange to think that this lull I have been experiencing the past few days is not the normal mid-week sluggishness that has followed me throughout the year, but the beginning of hibernation before finals. My residents are locked away in their rooms studying and sleeping, only emerging between the hours of 8PM and 10PM to eat and socialize. Those who don't have looming final exams are mostly at home until next week, and so the hallways and lounges are eerily silent.
Looking back on the past semester, I realize how much I will miss being an RA next year. Sure, it'll be fun moving back to my old dorm, where my old friends are; but there is just something about hearing the pitter-patter of feet in the bathrooms, the giggling of girls from the room above me, the sound of slamming doors and crazy music drifting through the hallways, the special little notes left on my door, the quiet conversations whispered in my room, and the rowdy lounge gatherings at one in the morning. When dealing with an incident on a Thursday night, I would always think, "why did I ever agree to this job in the first place? Who would be crazy enough to want to work with these kids?". But then I would come back from midnight rounds to find twelve people in the lounge who were eager to find fellowship and friendship in each other, and I would think, "who wouldn't want to be an RA? To be able to witness friendships blossoming is certainly the greatest job in the world."
What a bittersweet experience it was. I can't count the nights that I wanted to cry with frustration after an unattended meeting or social, or the many times I did something special for someone with no acknowledgment or thanks. I thought that being an RA was a thankless job until Monday, when I had a knock on my door. One of my residents, Jess, was standing there with a card she had made. She and some others had knocked on every door in the building to get people to sign the card, and they had planned to present it to me at an end of the year celebration that I had missed on Saturday.
I was shocked that she had done this for me, and that everyone had signed the card, whether they had been around this semester or not. I didn't think they cared about how hard I worked this year, or how much of my life was put on hold for them. How can I ever tell them how much this simple act meant to me, and how much their time with me has changed my life? I don't know if I can ever do it in words or deeds, but I think deep down they know.
During the past few years, I have begun a few sewing projects, but never found the motivation to finish them. This year I was quite successful, partly because as of this past Christmas I have vowed no longer to buy gifts for people. All the work that I put into the handmade gifts for my family and friends is so much more meaningful than the money that I spend on them. These are a 
few of the things that I made for my family over my winter break. The mittens were one of my mom's Christmas gifts. They are the first mittens I've ever made! I received a candlemaking kit for Christmas, so I've been doing all sorts of candlemaking experiments. The green candle is bayberry scented, and the burgundy candle is 
unscented.