It Really is A Wonderful Life

As far as I can tell, I have struggled with depression for nearly a decade. I have heard it said that depression is not a medical condition, but a state of mind that can be self-inflicted. In the early years, it was hardly distinguishable from my natural emotions of sadness or anger, but it soon overtook my life. To me, depression was a state of being, but it was certainly not self-inflicted. I didn't want to be uncontrollably irritable or sad. What fourteen year old girl wants to avoid her friends, spend time sobbing in her room instead of enjoying herself at parties, or fear for her future? When you have depression, it consumes you. Your heart is numb, your mind overrun with thoughts, your body aches, and your eyes are blind to what surrounds you.

Just a few weeks ago I watched the classic Christmas film "It's A Wonderful Life". I had seen it every year with my family or friends and expressed some appreciation of it, but somehow this year was different. This year I watched it at home, alone. I was surrounded by my pets, the warm glow of the gas stove, and the beauty of our family Christmas tree. In the past, I have had difficulty feeling the unseen blessings that Christmas brings. As I watched this classic tale of hope, I saw myself in the story of George Bailey. My battle with depression so often has overwhelmed me during the holidays that rejoicing in the birth of our Savior seems a foreign concept. Material matters clutter my mind, and thoughts of what I do not have cast a dark shadow over thoughts of that which I do have. But as George Bailey comes to realize that his greatest blessing is the gift that his existence brings to others, I too, realized that the depth of my despair and the greatest trials I have faced pale in comparison to the blessings that God has given me. I was born into the most loving and supportive of families. I love, and am loved by, dozens of dozens of friends and neighbors. I have a roof over my head, fresh food, clean water, and thousands of amenities which make life safe and comfortable. I have been afforded the opportunity to expand my knowledge of the world through education. I am healthy, strong, and safe despite all that is bad in the world. And I have found Truth in the life of Jesus Christ, whose deeds teach us that peace, love, mercy, and goodwill are the best gifts we can give or receive.

Winter Show-And-Tell II

More homemade Christmas gifts:

For Daddie, a draft catcher for the front door. Thickly woven cotton filled with rice and cloves keep the front hall insulated and smelling warm and spicy!

For my brother, a polka-dot bow tie. I found this idea on Martha Stewart's website, and thought it would be perfect for a blossoming mathematician and jazz musician.

For my sister, an Infinity scarf to match the hat I made her a few years ago for Christmas. She left for a school trip to Poland a few days after Christmas, so she wasn't able to model it for me, but I think you get the idea.

For Momma, a pillow made from an old sweater of mine. It was my favorite sweater for years, but was too stretched and worn to keep wearing at school-- so I sewed it up and added some silvery buttons. It matches perfectly with the snowflake motif of her quilt!

Alright, so this wasn't really a Christmas gift, but I love it nonetheless. A year ago, my sister found a 1930's or 1940's era apron for me and I have nearly worn it out with use. I longed to copy the pattern and make a new one so that I could give the other a rest. While I was rooting around in the attic one day, I found a box of fabric from Momma's crafting days (before I was born, of course). Inside there were some large scraps of fabric that were just the right size for an apron pattern. Within 3 1/2 hours I had ironed the material, traced a pattern, and pieced together this beautifully utilitarian new apron! I wish I had a better photo, but you can still see the style of the 1930's in the voluminous waist and sweet ruffles at the bottom.

A Blessed Christmas to All

So I've found it very difficult to keep up with this blog in the past few months. I suppose that it has something to do with the fact that I am in my last year of college, but I think there may be more to it than the usual excuse of academic obligations. In any case, I want to share a few thoughts about Christmas before I go into blog hibernation once again.

Throughout middle school and high school, I struggled to enjoy Christmas the way that everyone around me seemed to. After a few consecutive Christmases working to buy just the right gift for everyone, baking every cookie I could manage, and trying to attend every party, I realized that nothing I was doing was helping to make the holiday itself special and meaningful to me. I began to reflect on what always made Christmastime special to me. Surprisingly, I found that it had nothing to do with the gifts I received, the decorations that I used, the food I ate, or the parties I attended. What makes Christmas special to me is the time that I spend with my family and the closeness I feel to God when I devote myself to a holiday of love and compassion.

A year ago, I made the conscious decision to forgo the commercialism of Christmas. I no longer give gifts outside of my immediate family, and the few gifts that I give are homemade. Although the rest of my family and my friends buy their cards and gifts, I feel that I give more of myself when the gift I give is handmade. This may seem too simple and somewhat shallow, but it is amazing how it has changed my outlook on Christmas.

Think of how much time can be devoted to family and reflection on the meaning of the holiday when one is not spending hours and hours in the crowded mall! While it is sometimes nice to go out in the evening, especially to see stores decorated for the season, too much stimulation can be distracting & often destructive. Seeing all the lovely things in stores can be tempting, and when we concentrate on our own desires we forget the needs of others. We put too much emphasis on the giving and receiving of gifts in this society, and it would do us good to remember that the true gift in our lives is that of the life of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, the Prince of Peace, Emmanuel.

Without expectations of gifts, with extra time for reflection and prayer, and without all the extra "trimmings" of a secular Christmas, it becomes a simple and beautiful holiday to remember the birth of our Lord and Savior.

One of my favorite inspirational websites is Beliefnet.com, which gives quite a few other ideas on how to keep "Christ" in "Christmas". http://www.beliefnet.com/Faiths/Christianity/Christmas/21-Ways-to-Keep-Christ-in-Christmas.aspx

I hope that Christmas is a blessed holiday for all!

Sacrifice

Blessings on Palm Sunday!

Hosanna, loud hosanna, the little children sang;
Through pillared court and temple the lovely anthem rang.
To Jesus, who had blessed them close folded to His breast,
The children sang their praises, the simplest and the best.

From Olivet they followed mid an exultant crowd,
The victor palm branch waving, and chanting clear and loud.
The Lord of men and angels rode on in lowly state,
Nor scorned that little children should on His bidding wait.

“Hosanna in the highest!” that ancient song we sing,
For Christ is our Redeemer, the Lord of heaven our King.
O may we ever praise Him with heart and life and voice,
And in His blissful presence eternally rejoice!

http://www.hymnsite.com/midifiles/umh27820.mid

Deep Thought

In the past few days I've had the opportunity to talk with a few of my friends about the future, and what I want to do after I graduate 13 months from now (gulp)!

It's interesting, because until very recently, I haven't had many friends that I felt I could share my religious convictions and spiritual thoughts with, but suddenly I find myself surrounded by Christians who encourage and challenge me. Last Friday my friend Grace came to share her testimony with me, and after we discussed it and cried a little, we had a very deep conversation about relationships, love, purity, and family. Since 2009 I have felt particularly skittish about relationships, because the one time that I entered into an "official" relationship, I wasn't treated with respect. The entire ordeal lasted only three months, but the entire experience of being put-down, patronized, dismissed, and somewhat offended, has weighed on me heavily for nearly two years.

If someone gave me the chance now to undo what happened in 2009, I would be tempted to take the opportunity-- but then I never would have become closer to God. It was during that relationship that I prayed to God for direction, because the boy I was dating was very adamant that religion should not be a part of his life or mine. Having been raised in a Christian home, but only truly accepting Christ as my Lord and Savior during my first year in college, I was still impressionable and easily swayed. In the end, it was God that spoke to my heart saying that this was not the right place for me. My recovery took a long time, but I turned to God for support more than I ever had before, and my relationship with Him became so much stronger and more personal.

Now, after all this time feeling that I was the only Christian in a sea of people, God has revealed to me how His grace is to be seen everywhere. For one thing, He reunited me with my childhood friend Grace. Grace is a devout and enthusiastic woman of God, and her journey in faith led her path to cross mine again when she moved into a dorm room down the hall from me at the beginning of the semester. Grace is involved in many Christian-based activities around campus, and has been encouraging me to attend events and meetings with her, as well as take the time to pray out loud with each other.

The Lord has also reintroduced me to a boy whom I have known since my freshman year in college. This young man has much in common with me, and in the past three years we have often found ourselves joining the same groups, holding the same jobs, and meeting the same friends. Suddenly this semester, God saw fit to open our hearts to each other even more. We have been attending church together with some friends for a few months now, joining each other for meals, praying together, and somehow we came up with the idea to have "movie nights" every so often. Two weeks ago we watched "Singin' In the Rain" with some other residents of our dorm, and last weekend we watched "The Princess Bride".

"The Princess Bride" was not really his ideal movie (although I thought the swashbuckling adventure would have been enough to win him...), but it was really what happened after the movie that made the "movie night" most enjoyable. There was a concert on campus, so most people were out and about, and we had the downstairs lounge to ourselves. This was fine, because we were sharing our "war stories" of the Resident Assistant job, and talking about some issues that had recently come up in his staff meeting. The conversation gently diverged from the topic of social justice in college to our personal beliefs, and the beliefs of our families. From there we talked about faith, church, and how we came to be who we were. Eventually, we discussed the terrifying idea of "the real world" which looms ever nearer. I remember expressing my dismay at the prospects of settling into a career that I did not love, and in response he said something that has stayed with me. He said that while getting a job was important, and getting a job that you enjoyed was preferable, those were not the things that mattered most in life. For him, relationships with others, love, marriage, and eventually children were the things that would color his life.

The more I think about that statement, the more I fall in love with that idea. If it in God's plan for my life to find a job that I am completely satisfied with, He will make it happen. But it is more important to God that I grow up to become a godly woman, a good Christian, and a follower of His Word than anything else.

Blessings on Palm Sunday

Here goes, my first post on this blog. I guess I'll start out by introducing myself. My name is Maddie, I am 20 years old, and a sophomore history major. I have lived all my life in New Hampshire where I currently go to school. For the past 7 months, I have been working as a resident assistant which has been one of the most challenging jobs of my life. I am an honors student, although my procrastination habits would have you think otherwise. I enjoy a variety of activities including swing dancing, historical research, singing, sewing, drawing, yoga, horseback riding, laughing, and studying the Bible.

Although I was baptized Catholic and raised in a Presbyterian Church, I had my doubts about the Savior until my freshman year of college. I remember the exact moment when He revealed himself to me during a campus worship service. My life has changed drastically since finding Him. Jesus is indeed my strength and my salvation. It has been strange and uplifting to see the changes in my life because of Him, and I use every opportunity to sing His praises.

Today I went to church at the community church downtown for the Palm Sunday service. I had previously attended four or five churches in the area surrounding the university until I found this loving and welcoming church just three weeks ago. Our God certainly is an Awesome God in His plan for our lives. Without Him, I would never have had the courage to try this wonderful place.

It feels wonderful to praise the Lord in writing. I have never done it before, but I'm beginning to like it more and more. I hope that this is the beginning of something wonderful!