It Really is A Wonderful Life

As far as I can tell, I have struggled with depression for nearly a decade. I have heard it said that depression is not a medical condition, but a state of mind that can be self-inflicted. In the early years, it was hardly distinguishable from my natural emotions of sadness or anger, but it soon overtook my life. To me, depression was a state of being, but it was certainly not self-inflicted. I didn't want to be uncontrollably irritable or sad. What fourteen year old girl wants to avoid her friends, spend time sobbing in her room instead of enjoying herself at parties, or fear for her future? When you have depression, it consumes you. Your heart is numb, your mind overrun with thoughts, your body aches, and your eyes are blind to what surrounds you.

Just a few weeks ago I watched the classic Christmas film "It's A Wonderful Life". I had seen it every year with my family or friends and expressed some appreciation of it, but somehow this year was different. This year I watched it at home, alone. I was surrounded by my pets, the warm glow of the gas stove, and the beauty of our family Christmas tree. In the past, I have had difficulty feeling the unseen blessings that Christmas brings. As I watched this classic tale of hope, I saw myself in the story of George Bailey. My battle with depression so often has overwhelmed me during the holidays that rejoicing in the birth of our Savior seems a foreign concept. Material matters clutter my mind, and thoughts of what I do not have cast a dark shadow over thoughts of that which I do have. But as George Bailey comes to realize that his greatest blessing is the gift that his existence brings to others, I too, realized that the depth of my despair and the greatest trials I have faced pale in comparison to the blessings that God has given me. I was born into the most loving and supportive of families. I love, and am loved by, dozens of dozens of friends and neighbors. I have a roof over my head, fresh food, clean water, and thousands of amenities which make life safe and comfortable. I have been afforded the opportunity to expand my knowledge of the world through education. I am healthy, strong, and safe despite all that is bad in the world. And I have found Truth in the life of Jesus Christ, whose deeds teach us that peace, love, mercy, and goodwill are the best gifts we can give or receive.

A December Update

Wishing you the very merriest of holidays! Things are moving along too quickly here, but it's best to take a step back and remember why we celebrate this season of the year.

Winter Show-And-Tell

Here are just a few of the things that made their way into our holidays.

For Christmas I gave Daddie a big jar of the rosemary soap that I made over the summer. Somehow the ratio of oils was incorrect in my recipe, so most of the soap became crumbly and dry. To remedy the situation, I took a few cups of the crumbled soap, added baking soda, water, and a bit of fragrance, and boiled it into a liquid handsoap. This is extremely helpful for hardworking hands-- it removes pine pitch, motor oil, paint, and all sorts of other icky things. If unscented, it can also be used for dishes and cleaning the house. But be careful if you plan to add it to mop water-- it works so well on linoleum floors that it makes them extremely slippery!

Next we have the candles that I made for Momma for Christmas. We tend to go through quite a few candles each month, so I collect the leftover wax from tapers and votives until I have enough to melt down for a new candle. This year, I had nearly two shoeboxes full of old candles, so I had plenty of choices! To make upcycled candles, there are a number of steps.

-First I group like colors together and put them in a stainless steel bowl over a pot of simmering water.
-Stir the wax as it melts and remove any old wicks with a wooden dowel.
-Prepare new candle moulds with fresh wick-- braided 100% cotton twine is best and burns cleanest.
-To add some nice scent to my candles, I use the wax wafers produced by
Yankee Candle for "wax potpourri".These melt right along with the old candles and give the wax a more consistent color.
-When all the wax has melted, pour into the prepared moulds.

The candles that I made this year were gingerbread, lavender vanilla, and vanilla scented.

A Blessed Christmas to All

So I've found it very difficult to keep up with this blog in the past few months. I suppose that it has something to do with the fact that I am in my last year of college, but I think there may be more to it than the usual excuse of academic obligations. In any case, I want to share a few thoughts about Christmas before I go into blog hibernation once again.

Throughout middle school and high school, I struggled to enjoy Christmas the way that everyone around me seemed to. After a few consecutive Christmases working to buy just the right gift for everyone, baking every cookie I could manage, and trying to attend every party, I realized that nothing I was doing was helping to make the holiday itself special and meaningful to me. I began to reflect on what always made Christmastime special to me. Surprisingly, I found that it had nothing to do with the gifts I received, the decorations that I used, the food I ate, or the parties I attended. What makes Christmas special to me is the time that I spend with my family and the closeness I feel to God when I devote myself to a holiday of love and compassion.

A year ago, I made the conscious decision to forgo the commercialism of Christmas. I no longer give gifts outside of my immediate family, and the few gifts that I give are homemade. Although the rest of my family and my friends buy their cards and gifts, I feel that I give more of myself when the gift I give is handmade. This may seem too simple and somewhat shallow, but it is amazing how it has changed my outlook on Christmas.

Think of how much time can be devoted to family and reflection on the meaning of the holiday when one is not spending hours and hours in the crowded mall! While it is sometimes nice to go out in the evening, especially to see stores decorated for the season, too much stimulation can be distracting & often destructive. Seeing all the lovely things in stores can be tempting, and when we concentrate on our own desires we forget the needs of others. We put too much emphasis on the giving and receiving of gifts in this society, and it would do us good to remember that the true gift in our lives is that of the life of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, the Prince of Peace, Emmanuel.

Without expectations of gifts, with extra time for reflection and prayer, and without all the extra "trimmings" of a secular Christmas, it becomes a simple and beautiful holiday to remember the birth of our Lord and Savior.

One of my favorite inspirational websites is Beliefnet.com, which gives quite a few other ideas on how to keep "Christ" in "Christmas". http://www.beliefnet.com/Faiths/Christianity/Christmas/21-Ways-to-Keep-Christ-in-Christmas.aspx

I hope that Christmas is a blessed holiday for all!

Handmade Treasures

During the past few years, I have begun a few sewing projects, but never found the motivation to finish them. This year I was quite successful, partly because as of this past Christmas I have vowed no longer to buy gifts for people. All the work that I put into the handmade gifts for my family and friends is so much more meaningful than the money that I spend on them. These are a few of the things that I made for my family over my winter break. The mittens were one of my mom's Christmas gifts. They are the first mittens I've ever made! I received a candlemaking kit for Christmas, so I've been doing all sorts of candlemaking experiments. The green candle is bayberry scented, and the burgundy candle is unscented.

My dad is modeling his new apron and potholder. The fabric is a bold lobster print that I found in a Maine general store over the summer.

My sister is modeling the heating pillow that I made for her and for my mom out of scraps of fleece and old flannel pajamas. The pillows are filled with rice and lavender or rose petals that I saved from my garden. They can be heated in the microwave for one minute, then used as a neck pillow, or a wrap for sore joints.

Back to Life

After a long break from blogging, I've recently been inspired by some dear friends to revive my blog, and fill it with some of the wonderful things that I've done over the past few months.

Before I totally refresh this blog, here is an update on my life since October 2010:

• Fall semester finished up with a grand total of 7 final research papers, two final exams, and one massive presentation.
• I successfully survived my first semester living with a roommate since my stint as an RA !
• After a rough start to October with the deaths of a dear middle school teacher and my great uncle Jack, we (my family and I) pulled through the rest of the month to finish with a bang at our Batman-themed Halloween party.
• I met some wonderful new people at school over the course of the semester, and I am grateful for the blessing to have them in my life!
  
• As president of my residence hall, I oversaw some wonderful events including Floor Wars, Relaxation Week events, holiday food drives, and a visit to a local nursing home.
  
• I celebrated a wonderful holiday season with my family and friends, rejoicing in the birth of our Lord and the fellowship that the holidays bring!

I am thankful for the blessings of the past year, and I hope that 2011 will prove to be just as lovely!