A New Lease

In the past two years, I have lived in short spurts of activity. It began when I made the difficult decision not to pursue a graduate degree just a week before the start of term. I had to scramble to find a summer job, because I had planned to be studying instead of working during 2013. A friend came through for me and not only set aside hours for me at her summer camp, but told me to interview for an open position as the director of the local teen center. The position began immediately, and I was blessed to begin working with the children of my hometown once again.

In the autumn of 2013, I began an internship at Old Sturbridge Village, and worked there through the end of the year. I forged some meaningful new relationships with my fellow history buffs, but 

I also faced challenges with the interpretive process in such a large organization. While at Sturbridge, I was reminded that history and teaching were my two passions, and made up my mind to find a job as a museum educator. Two short months later, I was hired at Strawbery Banke Museum as a camp coordinator, interpreter, and museum teacher. It has now been a year since my first days at Strawbery Banke. I recently became the museum's Roleplaying Coordinator, and I hope that the program will grow and flourish under my direction.

In the past year, I have moved out of my childhood home, leased my first apartment, enjoyed countless days exploring my new home, run a number of camp programs, worked weekends and special events, gone on dates (not so bad), experienced one relationship (not so good), made new friends, reconnected with old friends, traveled to new places, become a bird watcher, had my first cavity, dealt with bouts of depression, continued to pay student loans, focused on advancing my career, been motivated to improve my personal habits, talked with God, considered my future, and dreamed of days to come.

Just a week ago, I signed a lease for a new apartment. It will be the first time I have lived on my own, and it is an exciting prospect. I hope that through this coming year I can use this opportunity to resolidify my faith, establish a lifestyle befitting of a young Christian woman, and reflect on the parts of my life that are most important to me.

The Year in Review

 1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?
Completing my senior Honors thesis in history and graduating Magna Cum Laude from my alma mater!

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?
Continuing to overcome disappointment in myself after a difficult breakup. I've found that the period after the end of a relationship is much like a period of mourning for me. I am filled with grief at losing someone I loved and respected, disappointment in my thoughts and actions, insecurity about myself, anger at the situation, and resentment that I entered into the relationship to begin with. It takes a long time for me to heal-- a year, give or take-- but I always learn and grow from the experience.

3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?
Gaining admission to the graduate program of my dreams! My GRE scores, a number of professors, and even some family members told me not to get my hopes up, but I just knew when I opened that email that I had been blessed! I am one of 13 students admitted to the class of 2013.

4. What was an unexpected obstacle?
Finding out just a few months before graduation that I would not be allowed to graduate with University Honors. I had struggled for nearly four years to complete requirements for the Honors Program, and after some misinformation in my final semester, I decided that the program was not worth the stress. I still graduated with multiple honors, because I was able to use the energy I had once spent on fighting the Honors Program to finish my senior year with a bang.

5. Pick three words to describe 2012.
Challenging, rewarding, revitalizing.

6. Pick three words your best friend would use to describe you in 2012.
 Silly, adorable, busy.

7. Pick three words your best friend would use to describe their 2012.
Stressful, fun, educational.

8. What were the best books you read this year?
Well, as I was cleaning out our attic over the summer, I found my grandmother's Bible in an old box. She passed away when my dad was in college, so I never got to meet her, but it's been a neat experience to hold something that was once dear to her. In my continued effort to read the Bible from cover to cover, I began reading this precious edition and found surprises inside! In the book of Zechariah, I found a bookmark with a prayer on it, and pressed between the pages of Matthew, a four-leaf clover has been preserved for almost 40 years!

In other news, I read (and re-read) some excellent literature, such as Pride and Prejudice, Dances with Wolves, Little Dorritt, and Game of Thrones.

9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?
My friends from school were wonderful this year. I valued each relationship differently because they each contributed something unique to my life. My friend Kelsey always makes me laugh, and is the best person to play boardgames and watch movies with. My friend Annie gives the most comforting hugs, and was always there to talk me through a tough time. Brittney is an inspiration to me-- the way she juggles graduate school, a full-time job, and a social life is amazing. Lily and Katie provide me with a lovely vacation home when I need to escape for a few days, and it's always a blast to venture to the big city with them. Grace listens to me and prays for me when I most need it, and is always ready for a lively debate about history. Alexa, Jillian, Zeb, Victoria, Leslie, Will, Brett, and all the rest of my Hubbardians kept me motivated to be the best student and role model I could be.

10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?
Moving home from Hubbard after graduation was one of the biggest adjustments I've ever had to make. From the moment I moved in to my residence hall as a freshman, I was in love with the community. Hubbard is full of hard-working, sensible, motivated, and caring individuals, and I loved every moment of my time as there. Leaving it all behind in May was bittersweet. I knew that even though I would no longer be involved in the Hubbard community, the residents that I loved would continue to make it the best dorm on campus.

11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?
In early fall, I was feeling sorry for myself because all my friends had gone back to school or were living far away from me. I kept thinking how isolated my little town was, and how desperate I was for company.Then I realized that in just a few months, I would be embarking on the adventure of a lifetime. Since that realization, I have been cheerful, excited, and ambitious. My future awaits and I plan to make the best of it!

12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?
Around the same time as my emotional epiphany, I heard a song on the radio that I had not heard before. It was "Forgiveness," by Matthew West, and it spoke to my heart in a way that prayer, scripture, and worship had not done in a long time. I suddenly was reminded that God forgave my sins through His Son, and that in my quest to live like Jesus, I must also forgive those who have hurt me. After a night of many tears and prayers, I finally let go of the painful and shaming memories that had burdened me for a year or more.

13. In what way(s) did you grow physically?
I started running again over the summer, and in the past few months I have found a real desire to spend time outdoors. Of course, it is difficult to make it a daily occurrence in rural New Hampshire, with the unpredictable New England weather, but I do my best! I also read a book called The Yoga Body Diet, which helped me to profile my eating and exercise tendencies. It isn't a "diet" in the strict, depriving sense of the word, but rather a change in the way you eat and digest.

14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?
I think that in some ways I became more effective at communicating my emotions. I tend to conceal my sadness or anger so as not to seem abrasive. But too many times I have waited for someone to comfort me, only to result in the frustration of both parties. Numerous times in 2012 I found myself in a difficult situation, and by acting on the emotional charge of the moment I was able to find a productive outlet that could be more easily communicated to others.

15. What was the most enjoyable part of your work (both professionally and at home)?
Working with children is an amazing experience, because it requires me to live what I teach. In 2012, I had so many opportunities to be a role model for the children in my community! I was a summer camp director, substitute teacher, and playgroup assistant. Each position varied in depth and duration, but I like to think that my involvement in the daily lives of the kids I work with has made a positive impression.

16. What was the most challenging part of your work (both professionally and at home)?
Being the bad guy. I don't like to be "the mean counselor" or "the strict teacher". It is tough to say "no" and stick with it. But I have high expectations for others, and I think that setting boundaries in school, camp, or playgroup, is the best way to ensure safety and respect for everyone.

17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?
Pinterest. Hands down. I don't necessarily think it is a waste of time, but when I consider all the mending or extra cleaning that I could have accomplished in the 15 minutes before dinner, it is definitely a time sucker.

18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?
Hehehe. I discovered that ironing and sewing while catching up on BBC dramas is not only an effective use of time, but it is a motivator for me to finish projects! If I have something really juicy to watch, like Little Dorritt or Sense and Sensibility, I am more likely to set aside the time to sew.

19. What was biggest thing you learned this past year?
I learned that sometimes the most coveted treasure is not worth the price. Sometimes, the thing you think you want most, is the thing that you cannot have. And while bemoaning your bad luck, you'll find unexpected blessings in the least obvious places.

20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2012 for you.
"Keep going. Even on the foggiest day, you must believe in your own ability to navigate the road ahead."

VOTE!

 Without this guy:

-I would have no health insurance.
-I might not have the right to make decisions about my own body.
-Costs for my education would rise (including interest for my student loans.)

-I would not be treated with equality in the workplace.
-I would be dismissed as one of the "47%" because I do not earn enough in a year to be required to pay taxes.
-Many of my friends and neighbors would not be given the same civil rights as me.
-Many of my fellow Americans would not be treated with the dignity and respect their age and station deserve

I am a loyal American citizen. I want what is best for the people of my country, and I believe that Barack Obama has got my back. He's got yours too, whether you plan to vote tomorrow or not. (But seriously, why not just vote for the guy that cares about you? What's going to happen? Oh, right. You'll get healthcare, equal pay, basic human rights, and a decent education. Bummer.)

 

I Stand with Hope and Change

It's time I said it out loud: I am a Liberal.

I am a Democrat and I don't care who knows. I will be supporting President Obama and Vice President Biden in the election this November.

Sure, there is a part of me that is a reserved, modest, Christian woman, but there is also a cynical, outspoken part of me. There are times I pray for God to bring our country's leaders together and treat each other with love and equality. And there are times when I want to slap politicians upside the head and shout "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"

Anyone involved in the running of our nation should educate him or herself on the historical context of the founding of the United States. Don't slap around mindless insults and accusations. Recently I had an encounter with someone on the internet whose ignorance of American history made me physically sick to my stomach. Comments like this:

"If you actually knew your history (Most liberals don't so don't worry!) Paul Revere went to warn the British after warning the city of Boston."

And watching people who are supposed to represent me, as a young American woman, fumble over themselves by combining ethical concepts, biology, and human rights just makes me want to cry. This misogynistic and ill-educated explanation of female biology and justice is unbelievable:

“It seems to me, from what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. But let’s assume that maybe that didn’t work or something: I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be of the rapist, and not attacking the child.”

Honestly, I understand the need for competing political parties in America, I will not begrudge you the choice that you make to be a Democrat, a Republican, a Libertarian, or a member of the Green Party, but GET A CLUE. If you are not educated enough to understand fundamental principles of biology, history, government, economics, social protocol, and human rights, you should not be in office. Educate yourself. In today's world, it should not be difficult to listen to the radio, watch the television, read the newspaper, talk to neighbors, visit civic centers, and immerse yourself in the culture of our fast-paced country. Make it your business to be an informed American. Treat others with respect. And remember that if your so-called moral integrity holds you back from doing these things, you have the power to make a change in your own life.

Because you live in America.

Sunday Sentiment: A Reflective Moment

A glimpse into my summer.

Right now, I am...

:: enjoying my tea after a long day outside.

:: watching Momma and Bee (my grandmother) reading newspapers in the living room.

:: smelling the fresh summer breeze that is drifting through the windows of the kitchen.
:: looking forward to sleeping well tonight.

:: wishing for time this week to bake a pie with my fresh-picked wild blueberries!

:: hearing clicking keyboards, crinkling newspapers, the breeze of the fan, and the news on television.

:: feeling tired, but satisfied with my work in the garden today.

:: reminding myself that I have to finish sewing place mats for my future apartment.

:: rejoicing in the discoveries I made yesterday. Wonderful cookbooks dating from the 1920's to the 1960's found at a local yard sale!

:: laughing at our silly dog who rode across the lake today in the kayak, wedged between my legs.

:: being calm. My new Sunday night ritual is to rid myself of negative energy, and meditate to bring positivity to the week ahead.

:: happy to be at home in New Hampshire on this glorious July day.

:: working on a number of projects, most notably quilted place mats to match my Boleslawiec pottery.

:: noticing that I am in the mood for a second cup of tea-- not surprising, but also not a good idea before bedtime.
:: inspired to do so much, and realizing that I have an entire year ahead of me to do it!

A Little Update

The past week has been a flurry of activity, emotion, and decision-making. So I guess it's time I update everyone what has been happening in my life.

1. My senior Honors thesis has been submitted for review. The next step is defending it against a committee. Considering I have worked on this process for nearly a year and a half, I'm not terribly concerned about the defense. If you are interested in reading my work to date, take a look at the site that I've created:  http://foresttofreshet.blogspot.com/
 

This is a Skymall image, but I like to think it was meant for me.

2. Tomorrow I will be inducted to Phi Beta Kappa, the oldest honor society in America. I was also inducted to Pi Delta Phi, the French honor society, on Tuesday.

3. Two weeks from tomorrow I will be graduating from college with a Bachelor of Arts degree in History! Yikes!

4. I have officially decided to attend George Washington University for my graduate program. However, I found out that if I defer from GWU for a year to work and live at home, I will be able to cut my potential loans in half. That's a difference of $40,000 in loans, folks. So, instead of rushing off to Washington, D.C. in June, I will be headed back to my hometown for a year to get myself on solid ground.

5. I've been very fragile lately, but with the help of my family, friends and mentors, I know that I can make it to the finish line. I've come so far in the past four years that even the biggest obstacles should seem small, but somehow I still get upset. I'm hurting in so many ways right now-- but I'm also rejoicing at the opportunities that are before me. Transitions and endings are difficult to say the least, but they are also a time of celebration and rebirth. It's up to me to keep focusing on the positive.

The Blessing of Opportunity

So it's a fact: I'm going to be a graduate student. Where will I be? I haven't a clue yet. But I have been officially accepted into three of the four programs to which I applied, including the Museum Education program at George Washington University. To be honest, I think that this program was always in the back of my mind when I imagined continuing my education. At the time, I didn't know how difficult it was to be accepted, but I later learned that although thousands of hopefuls apply, only fourteen are selected. I feel extremely blessed to have been given this opportunity--all these opportunities--no matter what decision I make in the coming weeks.

I once read that only 1% of the world's population is privileged enough to receive a secondary education. Although I wish the numbers were different and that everyone could further their education if they chose it, I recognize that I am one of those privileged few. To think that I am a woman pursuing a Master's degree is baffling when I compare my life with the lives of American women 100 years ago, or women in some societies even today! I am indeed very blessed.

(Also, I couldn't resist throwing in this picture of me wearing my rustic orange dress. I made it in January by altering a 1950's pattern, and I love how swingy it is when I dance. I believe credit for this picture goes to my dear friend Alexa.)

Spring is Here...and HOW!

Let it be known that today, March 22nd 2012, I spent an 85 degree day at the ocean. I dipped my feet in the frigid waters of the Atlantic, sat on the rocks, basked in the sun, collected trinkets at the beach, and gained a few dozen freckles. It was glorious.

The past week has been absolutely gorgeous-- and I don't mean that in the sense that I usually do at this time of year. Once upon a time, I considered 45 degrees and sunny to be the mildest March weather. In a traditional New Hampshire spring, a 45 degree day is rare, and one can generally count on a Nor'easter to sweep the region in the days following. But this week has been the warmest on record; five consecutive days of sun, blue skies, and temperatures above 75 degrees.

In many ways, I am taking the events of this week as a sign from the heavens. On Monday, I had a long talk with God. Since October, I have been an emotional wreck. I haven't allowed myself to be truly happy or appreciative of the blessings around me, and I've fallen away from the confidence and happiness that I have spent the past four years creating for myself.

Much of this emotional unrest has had to do with a relationship that I fell into at the beginning of the fall. In December, all that I had invested in this relationship-- my love, care, time, trust, expectations, physical and spiritual being, personal standards, happy moments, heartfelt discussions, and shared experiences-- was ripped away. I felt shipwrecked, trying to cling to one of these things to stay afloat as dark waves crashed over me. But collecting splintered wood will not help to restore the majesty of the ship.

As the weeks and months went on I tried to keep life in the relationship, even as friends. I am not the sort of person who will push people out of my life. I try as hard as I can to maintain contact and good feelings with others, and the months following our breakup were no different. My friends told me that I had every right to be angry at him--- he was the one who dumped me, after all-- but I still thought that kindness, interest, and friendly outreach would help us both to move on. After too many nights of frustrating conversations, lukewarm interactions, and angry tears, I asked God to show me what He wanted me to see in this situation.

Since my Monday conversation with God, I have been feeling lighter, clearer, and warmer. I have been able to let go of the feelings that have gripped my heart and soul for the past four months. It will take a long time before I can completely move on from this, but God has shown me what He wants me to focus on right now: my future.

The future can be so unclear sometimes. When you're young it looms ahead of you on the path of life, making every step toward it seem like a great burden. Sometimes it looks green and bright, like a beautiful spring day inviting you to run toward it and bask in its glory. Other times it can act like a fat black thundercloud threatening to block out the sun. The funny thing about it is that as long as you walk, and as many steps as you take, you never really get any closer. New experiences wait for you along the path, and sometimes you gather new friends as you walk along.

This week, God has revealed the future as a beautiful spring day. His reminders to me have been in the clear blue skies, the new green grass, the timid purple flowers, the cool and caressing breeze, and the warm sunshine on my skin. My future will be clear, bright, and happy.

On This Historic Day...

10 years ago on this day, I was in grade school. I think it was a Tuesday. During the day, we kids were oblivious to the news until we were putting up our chairs around 2:00pm. I remember that the lights were turned out, and we were waiting for Mrs. B. to dismiss us. Suddenly she appeared in the doorway. Our teacher --usually a cheerful and vibrant woman-- addressed the class with tears in her eyes.

"Today something terrible happened. We are safe, but your parents will explain more to you when you get home."

As I walked through the neighborhood, I wondered what had happened. When I arrived home, both my parents' cars were in the driveway. They had come home from work early-- a sign that something was not right. I walked straight into the living room where both my mother and father sat watching, shocked, as the footage rolled on the television. The images were surreal and terrible. It took hours for me to piece together the story, but I was concerned for my family. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, friends-- they all lived and working around the city, but they were fine. But my mother had cried saying,

"If they went for the Empire State Building next, or the Statue of Liberty, I wouldn't be able to stand it."

Ten years have passed, but the shock has not worn away. The dull pain of great loss and anger at the violation of our homeland has turned from patriotic acts to aggressive retaliation. It sickens me to think that in the eyes of the world, Americans are more apt to racial profiling and "tightening security" than promoting healing for our broken country. As a nation under God, I pray that those who represent the American people would remember that the United States was founded upon heretofore unheard of principles, and that without His grace and constant guidance it would not be the glorious nation it is today. Let us not forget that our words and actions of today affect posterity for all time. Therefore, let our citizens and leaders treat each other with respect and integrity so that our children will know a civil and morally upstanding world.