Friday, May 27, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
Finally Home
Well, I've been finished with my final exams, papers, and projects for a week now. Friends and classmates have packed up all their belongings and returned home, and after three days of washing and drying clothes, sorting socks, and folding and organizing my linens, shirts, dresses, shorts, and jeans, I think I'm finally ready to say that I'm home for the summer.
But as much as I like sleeping in my own bed, eating home-cooked meals, playing with my animals, and being with my family, I desperately miss my life at school. When I'm at school, I feel so mature and organized. My life is straight-forward and scheduled, and I can be the person I want to be when I'm around my friends at school.
It's ironic that I have to guard myself around my own family so that I can keep peace in the household. My parents were both raised in Christian households and are somewhat comfortable in their faith, but neither my brother nor my sister have accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. It upsets me that as much as I try to live life as a Christian woman, my family does not always respect the faiths and denominations of others.
I really miss my friends who understand my devotion and my convictions in faith, and with whom I can talk freely about life. I especially miss that my friends are always there for me, no matter if they've had a difficult week. I love my parents, and I know they love me, but sometimes I feel that I am intruding on their time and happiness when I have a problem. When I was younger, I would run to my mom or dad for every little problem-- but now I feel that when I'm upset about something, they don't really want to hear about it. Even if it is something significant, I feel that I am more able to pray about it, ask my friends for advice, or just suppress it, rather than tell my parents how I feel. As I have grown I have come to see my parents as peers, because I have seen them struggle with financial, legal, logistical, and emotional problems just like any other person would. When you are young, you take for granted the fact that you have a roof over your head, food in your pantry, and clothing on your back; when you become an adult you begin to witness the daily sacrifices that your parents make in order to continue providing these things for you. The more I know about what goes on behind the scenes in my parents' lives, the less I want to contribute to the already heavy burden that they carry with my own life questions. I want them to be as happy as possible, and I feel that the best way for me to help this is to withdraw from them. And even if they had no other worries, I doubt they would want to hear about my insignificant problems.
It's just frustrating, because when I'm here away from my friends and peers at school, I don't think anyone in my family can comfort me or understand me the way I want to be understood. Perhaps this is a way that God is testing my faith-- asking me to come to Him before all others.
But as much as I like sleeping in my own bed, eating home-cooked meals, playing with my animals, and being with my family, I desperately miss my life at school. When I'm at school, I feel so mature and organized. My life is straight-forward and scheduled, and I can be the person I want to be when I'm around my friends at school.
It's ironic that I have to guard myself around my own family so that I can keep peace in the household. My parents were both raised in Christian households and are somewhat comfortable in their faith, but neither my brother nor my sister have accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. It upsets me that as much as I try to live life as a Christian woman, my family does not always respect the faiths and denominations of others.
I really miss my friends who understand my devotion and my convictions in faith, and with whom I can talk freely about life. I especially miss that my friends are always there for me, no matter if they've had a difficult week. I love my parents, and I know they love me, but sometimes I feel that I am intruding on their time and happiness when I have a problem. When I was younger, I would run to my mom or dad for every little problem-- but now I feel that when I'm upset about something, they don't really want to hear about it. Even if it is something significant, I feel that I am more able to pray about it, ask my friends for advice, or just suppress it, rather than tell my parents how I feel. As I have grown I have come to see my parents as peers, because I have seen them struggle with financial, legal, logistical, and emotional problems just like any other person would. When you are young, you take for granted the fact that you have a roof over your head, food in your pantry, and clothing on your back; when you become an adult you begin to witness the daily sacrifices that your parents make in order to continue providing these things for you. The more I know about what goes on behind the scenes in my parents' lives, the less I want to contribute to the already heavy burden that they carry with my own life questions. I want them to be as happy as possible, and I feel that the best way for me to help this is to withdraw from them. And even if they had no other worries, I doubt they would want to hear about my insignificant problems.
It's just frustrating, because when I'm here away from my friends and peers at school, I don't think anyone in my family can comfort me or understand me the way I want to be understood. Perhaps this is a way that God is testing my faith-- asking me to come to Him before all others.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
A Moment Captured
Outside my window...it’s dark, and there is a fire alarm going off on the other side of campus, but it’s warm and Springy!
I am thankful for ...my mom, my dad, my sister, my brother, and my friends who understand and care about me in more ways than I can count.
I am remembering ...the movie and ice cream nights that I’ve had with my friends this year after long weeks of schoolwork.
On my mind ...the difficult realization that I came to yesterday afternoon and how I am going to deal with it the last few weeks of school.
From the learning room ...women can be leaders!
From the kitchen ...tea and mint ice cream to make me feel better after a rough day.
I am wearing ...shorts (first time in 2011!), a long-sleeve shirt, and a cardigan.
I am creating ...a list of potential graduate schools to research for next year.
I am going ...to go downstairs in a bit and call my deerie.
I am reading … “See Jane Lead: 99 Ways for Women to Take Charge at Work”, and the Holy Bible.
I am hoping ...that I can continue to ask the Lord to guide me as I navigate the challenges of college life.
I am hearing ...the soundtrack of “Annie” and other Broadway classics from my Pandora station.
Around the house ...well, my dorm room is somewhat cluttered at the moment, as my clothes are hung all around to dry after laundry this morning.
One of my favorite things ...spending time drinking tea and reading in the gorgeous sunshine.
A few plans for the rest of the week ...mostly homework—essays galore, final exams, and lots of event planning for the last week of school.
Here is a picture thought I am sharing ... 
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Spring is in the Air
Here in New Hampshire, Spring comes late. I can hardly remember a year that all the snow in our yard had melted by Memorial Day, but this year, Spring was REALLY late. At school, the University canceled classes on April 1st, because there was too much snow and ice to clear from the pathways. Just last Saturday I was home for Easter and our daffodils (which had just begun to bloom the day before) were covered by an inch of snow by lunchtime. Fortunately it all melted off to reveal a beautiful Easter morning so that we could have our egg hunt outside, but we were a little worried!
As I finish up my semester here on the seacoast, Daddie has been working away to start my vegetables for the garden. He's already direct-seeded potatoes, garlic, onions, parsley, beans, peas, lettuce, and soybeans outside, while inside the tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers, squash, and pumpkins are sitting on a heating pad in the bathtub to plant in May.
I'm so excited for pickling and preserving this year! I've been serving my dill pickles at every family function since last August, so it'll be fun to try some new recipes and stock up for the
coming year.
coming year.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Blessings on Palm Sunday!
Hosanna, loud hosanna, the little children sang;
Through pillared court and temple the lovely anthem rang.
To Jesus, who had blessed them close folded to His breast,
The children sang their praises, the simplest and the best.
From Olivet they followed mid an exultant crowd,
The victor palm branch waving, and chanting clear and loud.
The Lord of men and angels rode on in lowly state,
Nor scorned that little children should on His bidding wait.
“Hosanna in the highest!” that ancient song we sing,
For Christ is our Redeemer, the Lord of heaven our King.
O may we ever praise Him with heart and life and voice,
And in His blissful presence eternally rejoice!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Deep Thought
In the past few days I've had the opportunity to talk with a few of my friends about the future, and what I want to do after I graduate 13 months from now (gulp)!
It's interesting, because until very recently, I haven't had many friends that I felt I could share my religious convictions and spiritual thoughts with, but suddenly I find myself surrounded by Christians who encourage and challenge me. Last Friday my friend Grace came to share her testimony with me, and after we discussed it and cried a little, we had a very deep conversation about relationships, love, purity, and family. Since 2009 I have felt particularly skittish about relationships, because the one time that I entered into an "official" relationship, I wasn't treated with respect. The entire ordeal lasted only three months, but the entire experience of being put-down, patronized, dismissed, and somewhat offended, has weighed on me heavily for nearly two years.
If someone gave me the chance now to undo what happened in 2009, I would be tempted to take the opportunity-- but then I never would have become closer to God. It was during that relationship that I prayed to God for direction, because the boy I was dating was very adamant that religion should not be a part of his life or mine. Having been raised in a Christian home, but only truly accepting Christ as my Lord and Savior during my first year in college, I was still impressionable and easily swayed. In the end, it was God that spoke to my heart saying that this was not the right place for me. My recovery took a long time, but I turned to God for support more than I ever had before, and my relationship with Him became so much stronger and more personal.
Now, after all this time feeling that I was the only Christian in a sea of people, God has revealed to me how His grace is to be seen everywhere. For one thing, He reunited me with my childhood friend Grace. Grace is a devout and enthusiastic woman of God, and her journey in faith led her path to cross mine again when she moved into a dorm room down the hall from me at the beginning of the semester. Grace is involved in many Christian-based activities around campus, and has been encouraging me to attend events and meetings with her, as well as take the time to pray out loud with each other.
The Lord has also reintroduced me to a boy whom I have known since my freshman year in college. This young man has much in common with me, and in the past three years we have often found ourselves joining the same groups, holding the same jobs, and meeting the same friends. Suddenly this semester, God saw fit to open our hearts to each other even more. We have been attending church together with some friends for a few months now, joining each other for meals, praying together, and somehow we came up with the idea to have "movie nights" every so often. Two weeks ago we watched "Singin' In the Rain" with some other residents of our dorm, and last weekend we watched "The Princess Bride".
"The Princess Bride" was not really his ideal movie (although I thought the swashbuckling adventure would have been enough to win him...), but it was really what happened after the movie that made the "movie night" most enjoyable. There was a concert on campus, so most people were out and about, and we had the downstairs lounge to ourselves. This was fine, because we were sharing our "war stories" of the Resident Assistant job, and talking about some issues that had recently come up in his staff meeting. The conversation gently diverged from the topic of social justice in college to our personal beliefs, and the beliefs of our families. From there we talked about faith, church, and how we came to be who we were. Eventually, we discussed the terrifying idea of "the real world" which looms ever nearer. I remember expressing my dismay at the prospects of settling into a career that I did not love, and in response he said something that has stayed with me. He said that while getting a job was important, and getting a job that you enjoyed was preferable, those were not the things that mattered most in life. For him, relationships with others, love, marriage, and eventually children were the things that would color his life.
The more I think about that statement, the more I fall in love with that idea. If it in God's plan for my life to find a job that I am completely satisfied with, He will make it happen. But it is more important to God that I grow up to become a godly woman, a good Christian, and a follower of His Word than anything else.
It's interesting, because until very recently, I haven't had many friends that I felt I could share my religious convictions and spiritual thoughts with, but suddenly I find myself surrounded by Christians who encourage and challenge me. Last Friday my friend Grace came to share her testimony with me, and after we discussed it and cried a little, we had a very deep conversation about relationships, love, purity, and family. Since 2009 I have felt particularly skittish about relationships, because the one time that I entered into an "official" relationship, I wasn't treated with respect. The entire ordeal lasted only three months, but the entire experience of being put-down, patronized, dismissed, and somewhat offended, has weighed on me heavily for nearly two years.
If someone gave me the chance now to undo what happened in 2009, I would be tempted to take the opportunity-- but then I never would have become closer to God. It was during that relationship that I prayed to God for direction, because the boy I was dating was very adamant that religion should not be a part of his life or mine. Having been raised in a Christian home, but only truly accepting Christ as my Lord and Savior during my first year in college, I was still impressionable and easily swayed. In the end, it was God that spoke to my heart saying that this was not the right place for me. My recovery took a long time, but I turned to God for support more than I ever had before, and my relationship with Him became so much stronger and more personal.
Now, after all this time feeling that I was the only Christian in a sea of people, God has revealed to me how His grace is to be seen everywhere. For one thing, He reunited me with my childhood friend Grace. Grace is a devout and enthusiastic woman of God, and her journey in faith led her path to cross mine again when she moved into a dorm room down the hall from me at the beginning of the semester. Grace is involved in many Christian-based activities around campus, and has been encouraging me to attend events and meetings with her, as well as take the time to pray out loud with each other.
The Lord has also reintroduced me to a boy whom I have known since my freshman year in college. This young man has much in common with me, and in the past three years we have often found ourselves joining the same groups, holding the same jobs, and meeting the same friends. Suddenly this semester, God saw fit to open our hearts to each other even more. We have been attending church together with some friends for a few months now, joining each other for meals, praying together, and somehow we came up with the idea to have "movie nights" every so often. Two weeks ago we watched "Singin' In the Rain" with some other residents of our dorm, and last weekend we watched "The Princess Bride".
"The Princess Bride" was not really his ideal movie (although I thought the swashbuckling adventure would have been enough to win him...), but it was really what happened after the movie that made the "movie night" most enjoyable. There was a concert on campus, so most people were out and about, and we had the downstairs lounge to ourselves. This was fine, because we were sharing our "war stories" of the Resident Assistant job, and talking about some issues that had recently come up in his staff meeting. The conversation gently diverged from the topic of social justice in college to our personal beliefs, and the beliefs of our families. From there we talked about faith, church, and how we came to be who we were. Eventually, we discussed the terrifying idea of "the real world" which looms ever nearer. I remember expressing my dismay at the prospects of settling into a career that I did not love, and in response he said something that has stayed with me. He said that while getting a job was important, and getting a job that you enjoyed was preferable, those were not the things that mattered most in life. For him, relationships with others, love, marriage, and eventually children were the things that would color his life.
The more I think about that statement, the more I fall in love with that idea. If it in God's plan for my life to find a job that I am completely satisfied with, He will make it happen. But it is more important to God that I grow up to become a godly woman, a good Christian, and a follower of His Word than anything else.
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